It could have been so beautiful – but it wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes, you just have to admit that the shared path has come to an end. No matter how long you both have lived together or what the real reason is: separating after a breakup is simply not pleasant. After all, you now have to painstakingly divide the shared household that you built together. What ifs and buts – that doesn’t matter anymore. Take a deep breath, roll up your sleeves, and get started. The sooner you get all this done, the better.
Support: What are friends for?
Right after the breakup, your friends are there for you. To take a breather and think about how to move forward, you can certainly stay temporarily with someone. Pure actionism after a breakup is rather the exception. Instead, you probably need a retreat and someone to talk to about everything.
Take your time to think about the next steps. Start looking for a new place to live. Don’t settle for the first option that comes your way. Especially in this situation, it’s important that you feel comfortable in your new apartment. Have you also considered moving into a shared apartment? Especially after a breakup, it feels good not to sit alone on the couch in the evening.
Yours or mine: Keep a cool head
Keeping a cool head is, of course, easier said than done. Intense feelings are involved in a breakup. Depending on what potentially unpleasant and unfair circumstances led to the end of the relationship, things can get quite heated. However, you should have already discussed all these issues and allowed your feelings to run free. When it comes to separating, try to behave as objectively and professionally as possible. It’s hard, but push all emotional wounds and conflicts to the back of your mind. If you start a war of roses, it won’t help anyone.
It’s wise to make a list of all your shared possessions. Feel free to write down how much each item cost. Perhaps you even have some receipts saved. Start with the big items first. Did you invest in a new couch or a television together? Who paid for what? Unless you shared the costs, the rule is: whoever paid for it owns it. Agree on who keeps what for the other items, and note whether your partner needs to be compensated.
Not quite able to reach an agreement?
When it comes to certain items, no one wants to concede ground to the other? In that case, you can take turns choosing items. Just make sure that the distribution of value is somewhat equal. Don’t even think about insisting on certain pieces of furniture just out of principle to satisfy your desire for revenge. That takes up way too much energy, which you should rather invest in your new apartment.
Think carefully about which items from the old relationship you actually want to take into your new life. For some things, it might be better to take a deep breath and say goodbye.
If none of this really works out, then seek help. Each person can bring a friend along to help mediate the situation. Friends can help ensure that everything is handled fairly.
Separation of pets: Who gets the cat and dog?
Reaching an agreement over a couch is certainly a bit easier than deciding who gets the shared pet. The well-being of the animal should be the top priority for both of you. Even though it’s tough: where is the pet better off, even just for space reasons? Who has a terrace with a garden instead of an apartment on the fifth floor without a balcony? If you two are at least somewhat on good terms, you can also arrange some kind of visitation rights.
Your partner moves out – And then?
You’re not moving out; it’s your partner who is packing their things and leaving? Then the apartment will probably look a bit disheveled for a while. Now it’s especially important to give the old apartment a fresh touch. Get rid of old burdens, consider buying new furniture, and let go of anything that carries too many memories. Repaint the walls, rearrange the furniture, and finally do what you enjoy. After all, this is now your own space, and you can decorate it as you please. Let it go…
